The doctor just presented his diagnosis, and there’s no easy way to say this…
You’ve been pooping all wrong.
When it comes to relieving those bowels, sitting hunched over in misery on that white porcelain commode isn’t nature’s way to go. It’s unnatural and takes just about forever. Nearly everyone else has come to the path of enlightenment, and chances are you are the last human still stuck in your old retro-pooping ways. That’s right, r-e-t-r-o. So let’s help you get your facts straight, and your life sorted.
If, at the moment, you’re imagining squatting while pooping, you’re most probably visualizing a low budget camping trip, the Stone Age or maybe even (gasp of horror) how animals live. Well, here’s a news flash for you: You are an animal. Except, you’re probably worse since you’ve abandoned the superior and more effective form of bowel excretion in exchange for a process you’re delusional enough to consider civilized but (science can back me up) is frankly regressive and pushing evolution back instead of forward due to how very inefficient and unnecessary it is.
If you won’t hear it from me, take it from those who would actually know what they’re talking about, i.e., scientists and doctors (read: smart people). Experts and authorities in this field have time and again attested that squatting is a more natural position for your body while passing bowels as it can help you avoid constipation, colon disease, hemorrhoids, pelvic floor muscle problems, and an assortment of similar diseases. Interestingly, squatting is advocated even in Ayurvedic traditions. In Ayurveda, elimination of bowel excrements is fundamental to one’s good health, and the squatting position in yoga is referred to as Malasana.
In fact, even according to a Professor of Architecture, Dr. Alexandra Kira from Cornell, the contemporary sit down toilet created by man would be described as “the most ill-suited fixture ever designed.” Kira purports and can be backed by numerous studies that these modern day conceptions are, in actuality, working against us by enforcing and constraining our bodies into unnatural angles when we sit ourselves down to evacuate our bowels.
We human beings can, to a certain extent, exert control on our defecation process by contracting or relaxing the two muscles that surround part of our anal canal and the margin of our anus, collectively known as the anal sphincter. However, the anal sphincter cannot restrain bowel movements all by itself. Our body must also rely on a special bend between our rectum and anus. Getting too complicated? Here’s a picture to illustrate all the words we’re throwing at you.
When we’re in the standing position, the degree of this bend (also called the anorectal angle) is approximately 90 degrees, which applies pressure upwards upon the rectum to not allow the feces to escape. When we enter the squatting position, this 90-degree bend is straightened out, allowing the feces to leave the rectum and enter your anal canal. Imagine straightening out a bent kink in the water hose from your garden, what happens next? Yep, you got it right, that water’s coming out, baby.
So, what’s the problem with our modern day, civilized toilets? Well, they aren’t allowing your water hose to completely straighten out! According to squatting supporters and experts, traditional commodes produce an anorectal angle that is ineffective for defecation. When we squat, we’re able to achieve a full elevation of our colon, thereby eliminating disease-causing toxins from our bowels. A further bonus is that squatting prevents hemorrhoids. For those of you unfamiliar with the condition, hemorrhoids are swollen veins in your rectum and anus, causing your anal canal to be inflamed. This, depending on the type of hemorrhoids, can produce skin tags, pain, and even rectal bleeding upon defecation. Doesn’t sound like great fun, does it?
Hemorrhoids may be formed due to obesity, pregnancy or even by participating in anal sex. The condition affects nearly a whopping 50% of Americans by the age of 50! However, the main reason for the formation of hemorrhoids is primarily due to straining while trying to relieve your bowels. When you strain, you increase the pressure exerted on your abdomen, thereby causing the veins lining your anus to swell significantly. In patients with hemorrhoids, the veins remain swollen and end up bleeding at times. So, theoretically, if you squat, you could essentially ward off those miserable hemorrhoids. Need I remind you again of your chances? Nearly 50%, people, come on! If pain doesn’t throw you off, embarrassment should. Imagine having to smuggle hemorrhoid cream in your shopping cart the next time you’re at the supermarket. Now imagine the check out girl. Cringing yet?
All in all, putting the (very real, possible, and terrible) threat of hemorrhoids aside, it’s time you learned to poop right. Even the previous nay-sayers and skeptics who’ve tried squatting for pooping claim that this simple change transformed their lives. Nature isn’t wrong. It’s time you stopped being as well.