For those out there who have managed to navigate after the honeymoon phase of a relationship into a healthy, traction-free partnership, you people have superpowers – you just don’t know it yet! For every relationship comes across discourse, which might just give rise to more discourse. That being said, much like the uniqueness of the people involved in these relationships, the method of solving these disagreements is also unique.
In fact, there are relationship habits that, from a third person point of view, may even come across as toxic. Yet who will better know how to resolve personal issues than the people facing it themselves. So, here are some habits that may come out wrong, but are actually helpful in terms of strengthening a couple’s bond in the long run.
1. Making Complaints
A perfect match is either a myth or a concept from a sci-fi movie. Let’s face it, as much as we feel relieved by cribbing about everything that can possibly go wrong, none of us like making the top spot in someone else’s complaint list.
Yet, complaining is a tool to let your partner know about things that matter to you. It is quite different from criticizing them. The former leaves an open space for discussion about what needs to be changed, while the latter might just be looked to as a direct attack on character. For example, “It bothers me that you didn’t do the laundry like you promised. Do you think you can do it anytime soon?” is an effective way of complaining.
So, while they may seem harsh, complaints are actually constructive, unlike criticism. Remember, the three easy steps to solve any issue are: a polite yet firm reminder, a healthy discussion, and the endeavor to reach a reasonable solution.
2. Escaping Arguments
We don’t always keep our calm in the face of an argument. In the midst of a quarrel, it’s a good move to change the subject from the topic of dissent in order to take some time to cool your head, and your partner’s too. Probably just sleep it off, even though it would bug you. It’s okay to be angry in the moment than to do something that you’ll regret later.
But make sure you have these conversations later with a calm and composed mind!
3. Conversations During Lovemaking
Lovemaking is the epitome of physical intimacy, and it’s often adorned with emotions. During the initial stages, bedroom fun is always about amazing performances that leave an impact and a sense of craving. But 10 years down the line, that momentary pleasure and all those sparks – they’re bound to fade away. A couple who’s able to enjoy intercourse even while having normal conversations (without getting nervous about performance pressure or getting awkward), well, it actually reflects a stronger bond in their relationship.
4. Arguing With Children Around
Let’s face it, it’s impossible to raise children with the belief that the world is conflict-free. So, instead of creating a misleading utopia around them, it becomes a much practical approach to show them the respect you should have towards each other even while disagreeing with a loved one’s opinions. By doing this you’re setting up a healthy example for your kids in the long run.
According to relationship specialists, overprotective parents may be well-intentioned in their desire to guard their children from their personal conflicts. However, in this process, they deprive their kids the opportunity to learn about a positive approach of dealing with issues and resolving them.
The concept of disagreement and discourse should seem natural to children. They should be aware of scenarios where couples have mutual respect for each other’s opinions, regardless of their differences in thinking. However, we should draw a clear line and not resort to yelling, physical violence or unacceptable and demeaning threats.
5. Being A Part Of Different Friend Circles
Not everyone gets along with everyone else. If you believe that your friends and your partner won’t do well under the safe roof, it’s okay to keep them away. Also, if you both have varied interests and hence, run in different circles, there’s no harm in keeping it that way. In fact, ideally, such interactions should be encouraged to ensure individual comfort in day-to-day life. The only thing that matters in such scenarios is openness and honesty towards your partner.
P.S. – Communicate
Toxicity in relationships are either inherent (which means that either partner – or both – is abusive or has psychological issues that need to be dealt with) or are a repercussion of misunderstandings or pent-up anger and dissatisfaction. For the former, reach out to your friends, your safe places, consult a counsellor, and find out what is wrong in the situation. For the latter, talk to your partner and come out clean about matters that bother you before the burden of silence starts choking you.
So, here’s the secret to a long, beautiful romantic relationship – TALK!