If you ever happen to be standing in that wretched line at the grocery store billing counter, then you’ve probably glimpsed the usual headlines on the glossy covers of most women’s magazines: “8 Things Every Man Wants In Bed” or “He Wants You To Know 5 Things”. Don’t get offended though, men’s magazines seem to mirror the same theme with more brutal approaches like, “Why She Hates Sex With You.” Ouch.
The fact is, when it comes to sex, we all would like to be enlightened on just what it is our partner loves or hates; and even more importantly: how can I fix it? Interestingly, men and women do seem to share similar complaints when it comes to getting down and dirty. This is, even more, the case if the couple has been in a long-term relationship. The following are six of the most common complaints sex therapists from all around the globe most commonly receive:
1. Getting Lazy
Though thankfully, being in enlightened times we understand that lovemaking is about mutual pleasure, sometimes one of you may just become lazy. If your partner has begun to slacken when it comes to their share of under-the-sheet activities then, don’t lash out. Approach the issue with some subtlety at first. Be playful in your laments of “Oh I really miss how you used to do this” or “Remember your trademark move? Damn”. If that fails you, then just a friendly reminder of “Darling I love you but, it takes two to tango” should suffice.
If even that’s no help, then ditch the subtlety and try straightforward communication instead. Be gentle in your questioning of how you’ve noticed they’ve not been showing that same initiative and ask why. If you fail to receive an explanation, then be honest in as to how their declining enthusiasm is making you feel.
2. Getting Boring
Have your times between the sheets become so repetitive that it almost seems like a chore? They say practice makes things perfect but when it comes to sexy times, pulling the same routine repeatedly can kill all the fun and excitement. Familiarity breeds contempt, hence make an effort to break out of the choreography you’ve unwittingly settled for. Try experimenting with the positions you’ve always been intrigued about. If you lack knowledge, then build up on your expertise and even skills by reading self-help books. Another way to shake things up is by letting your partner know about your recent dirty dream or erotic fantasies. This can kick-start both you and your partner’s imagination and build upon a night to remember.
3. The Electronic Intruders
Smartphones, iPhones, laptops, tablets, and iPads are notorious interlopers that sneak into your bed and steal away any potential private sexy times from a couple. When instead of cozying up to your sweetheart, you get busy replying to messages or liking pictures from your Instagram feed, you unintentionally send your partner the message that you aren’t interested or that they aren’t worth your time. Try to make your bedroom a sanctuary for you and your partner by keeping all the devices out! Ditch your laptop in the lounge area and charge your phone during the night in the kitchen. Take back the bedroom for the both of you.
4. Body Insecurities
If you’re in a long-term relationship, then changes in your physique are simply inevitable. You can get pregnant, deliver a baby, age, gain weight or even lose hair. Mother nature spares none.
Health ailments and even the stress of our day-to-day lives can take a very physical toll on our bodies. Fitness levels shall always fluctuate. These variations can cause couples to develop a negative body image, prompting them to shy away from baring skin thereby forgoing sex. To boost your partner’s self-confidence compliment each other. Remind them that ultimately beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
5. Ignoring The Link Between Emotional & Physical Intimacy
Better techniques, adventurous positions and experimenting with toys are all fantastic. Indeed, they can definitely make sex feel physically better. However, sex is simple math. It’s like algebra, and you need to balance the physical half of the equation by fulfilling an emotional half. An ultimate, fulfilling sexual experience is one that not only satisfies the body but also the soul.
6. Contrasting Sex Drives
The leading complaint about infrequent sex by most modern day couples? An unhealthy dose of fatigue. In order to fight it, you must approach the problem as a team. Ask your better half what you could do to take the edge off their workload so that they aren’t too worn out from the day. Maybe you could wash the dishes after supper so that your partner can get through those work mails. Not only does this boost your chances of intimacy, it also sends your partner the message that you’re in this together.
Sex doesn’t have to be a chore or duty. It should be fun, spontaneous and satisfying on a physical and emotional level. Being aware of your partner’s reservations and concerns can prevent most miscommunications in the bedroom.